The Highlights of 2011

The year has been a good one, better than the past years I had. I learned that prayer is your best help throughout the year. I learned how to be more organized, thanks to my dependable 2011 planner. This is the year for standing up, for valuing patience, for keeping calm, for working hard, for valuing people around. This is the year when I finally learned how to forgive. Well, thanks 2011 for treating me good!

Here are the highlights of the year:

January, I treated lola together with the family and some relatives to a simple lunch date.

January, my birth month. Thanks friends for making it special.

February came,a month for the loveless. :P

March, Tiffany's Kindergarten recognition.

April, Tiffany joined the choir of Angels for the Holy Week celebration.

May, making the most of the summer season.

June, Calaguas with cousins!

July, busy for school months with Trife at Nursery and Tiffany at Prep.

August, birth month of Trife. Treated him to Seriland, Ocean Park, Museong Pambata, etc.

September, my brother's 21st birthday.

October, Trick and Treat with Tiffany. (last week of October)

November, Tiffany's birth month. She celebrated it with her classmates.

December, Christmas baby.

I feel Sad

Don't let it linger.
Don't do things that you don't intend.
Maintain the distance.
Don't cross the line if you're not going to last.
I don't want to hear.
I don't expect.
So please you don't have to do anything.
Just be real.
Please.

Conversation with my Girl

I hope "he" doesn't get the chance to read this.

Anyway, we were talking about a friend getting married next year when she asked:

(conversation translated)

T: Are you going to marry again?
Me: (shocked) I don't know. Why, you want me to marry again?
T: NO.
Me: Mommy needs someone to take care of her. Who do you think will take care of us once I get old?
T: (raises her head as if proud of herself)
Me: I know. But you're too small, mommy needs someone big enough to carry her around.
T: (rolls her eyes) Daddy can.You can marry him.
Me: *laughs*
T: Why do you need someone to carry you around? Me and baby boy can do it. Remember, its the 3 of us together?


This melts my heart. I love you to bits ate T!

Its like negative people are all around me. I need to find a way out.

Win 100 Pesos Load

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10 Things to Learn About the Attitude of Complaining

Let me introduce you to a "friend". He has the habit of complaining-- just about every stuff! Sadly, I am one of those who he complain about. And worse, I have the habit of sticking around despite his mussing.

Just this day, the "complaining episode" strikes again. It was too hard for me to deal with, but as every day goes, I found myself talking with him along with another "friend". As he was talking, I found something interesting about this person. I realized that the hate he bears for others would actually mirror the love he has for himself.

As ironic as it seems, I found great lessons from him:

1. Do not trash talk. You never know how far these words can hurt someone.
2. Think before you speak. This may sound like a cliche but its a great thing to practice if you don't like waking up one day and realizing that a good friend won't talk to you anymore.
3. Learn to deal with your own insecurities. Before you start wishing that others can change their attitudes, start changing your own first.
4. Look around and find people who cares for you.
5. Appreciate when you are on the verge of complaining.
6. Get some self-control.
7. Think happy thoughts. There are just so much in life to be happy about, start looking for them.
8. Write or draw when you are angry. Just do something that will destruct you from your current situation.
9. Get help. People who are ready to lend a crying shoulder are everywhere. You can even find them online. Join forums and support groups. Knowing that you can relate to others will help you find courage in the situation you are dealing with.
10. Learn to love yourself.

A Letter to Tifa's 6th Birthday

You are my greatest lesson in life.

I was never strong but you taught me how to face problems with my head up.

I was never the one who would forget an injury but you taught me the meaning of acceptance to achieve a greater purpose.

I was never the person who would let go of the "remote control" for someone else, but you taught me to compromise. Well, I enjoy Disney and Nick now but please stop watching Tom and Jerry.

I was never creative; but look, I made you into an Ice Queen and you liked it!

I never adored waking up early in the morning, but now I'm getting the hang of it.

I always thought the conventional way but you unchained myself from it. Well, I am good with only you and Trife. This is a family, right?

I never thought that I could be a good mom, but you were great, so I did well too.

Most of all, I never thought that I could be friend with your dad again, but look where we are now.

For lessons big and small, Tifa, I love you!

Mini Haul on a Rainy Day

Albay is signal number 1.

While waiting for the rain to at least stop, I caught myself trapped inside the mall. And since Beauty Section is right next to the exit, I found myself buying these stuffs.

I'm gonna do it because I deserve to.

I'm gonna stop wishing because I'll finally face reality.

I'm gonna stand on my own because I can.

Stop

pleasing others

Lessons Learned

• time will help you forgive
• you cannot always get your heart's desire
• you must learn how to SETTLE
• dream high
• believe
• prayers work wonders

Good night! :)

Weird Stuffs

I’ve been into weird stuffs lately.

Last Monday, I saw a snake on my way home. Ok, I’m heading to my son’s school to fetch him up. I saw a big crack on this huge house at Velamor subdivision. To my surprise, inside the crack is a really big snake! The snake stares at me as if I am his nosy boss. I kept mum about it and pretended nothing happen. I only broke the news when we were home. This is how the snake scares the hell out of me!

This morning, I was about to leave the house when a cat with a weird stuff on its mouth passed by me. I did not bother; I thought the weird stuff is a fish or a slipper. Then again, the cat came back. This time, he dropped the weird stuff. What I saw is a snipe (take note, this is the first time I saw a live snipe). The cat chased the snipe that went near me! Weird. Scary.

Recent Purchases

This Father's Day of 2011, I decided to grab some good stuffs for me.

First, I had a Samsung netbook. My Lenovo laptop is still dependable like before but I felt the need to buy a smaller version so I can do my work wherever I go. And boy, this Samsung, despite its affordable cost never fails me! I personally love its red and white combination. I am now calling her "Fierce".

Also, I bought an orange XOXO bag. Most of my bags are large so this purchase was special.

Happy Father's Day To Moms!

Since its Father's Day and I could not stress more of how pleased I am to have a loving father at my side, let me take this opportunity to blog about women who bravely accepted the title of being a "mom" and a "dad" altogether. I am one of them, and I know a lot of them.

I am not comfortable talking about my marriage, not because it hurts but because the lack of such "feeling" somehow left me confused. Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband. But later I realized that love alone cannot make the world go round. Thanks for my father who let me realized that girls are supposed to be priced and loved.

So fast forward...

One of the questions I have to deal with when I woke up one day and realized that our marriage is truly over is, how I am going to explain this to my kids? How could I assure them that they are loved even after they were left? Worse, how could I fathom the idea of raising kids alone and still think that everything's going to be alright? Questions frighten me.

Raising kids alone is no joke. Any single mom would agree how difficult it is to ensure that your kid's needs are met while keeping enough time for yourself to ensure that you do not lose your own life along the way. I never perfected the challenge. Somewhere along the way, I always find myself suffering from sickness because of too much working. It is never easy but its worth it.

I was just lucky that my kids were able to adjust with me. Somehow, they were able to accept that this is their family, even though it composes of just a mom, a brother and a sister. They take care of me as much as I take care of them. Like today, I have this bad flu. I've been suffering from this since Thursday night and boy its really bad! To my surprise, my kids volunteered to be my nurse. They saw a watch which happen to play a song when you press on it, and gave it to me. I just press on it and viola, the two will come rushing at my bedside. They would ask about my needs and make sure they gave them (of course, with their yaya's supervision).

Being a father and a mother at the same time is not easy, but the kids make all the work bearable.

F*ckin Perfect

I've always been a Pink fan, always.

Dear Diary

Nothing much to say. I had my hair treated today and I have a new blog. :)

Proud

It was my boy's first day at school. Trife have always been the pampered and cared type of kid. So until this morning, I was really hoping that he won't get uneasy at the new environment. I was even scared when he started to tell me the stuffs he's going to do after he goes home from school. But when the class started, boy he made me really proud! He got his first 3 stars. He participated well and even told his teacher that he's going to bring DVDs tomorrow for the class to watch.

Now, Tifa did the same. When she got home, she told me that she was given a job at school. So I said, what job? Then she started telling me that the job starts with letter M then U follows. Still puzzled, I asked what kind of job is that then she said that she has to look good and behave well. Goodness, she's the muse!

RH BILL, What's Your Take?

I AM AGAINST RH BILL. Before you curse me and say I’m one of the old-fashioned moralists, you can spare yourself the trouble because I would love to be called that way. You see, I am not the typical Ms. Goody Two Shoes. In fact, I have fair share of troubles. I am one of the many “teen moms”—the one who you laugh at dinner time for being too careless with her love life. I am one of them. In fact, I married young, with the wrong guy, because now we’re separated. I have enough reasons to go to the street and say “keep your rosaries out of my ovaries”.

So now comes the bill that could have saved me from being a stupid young mom, but why am I not happy about it? Let me tell you why.

Abortion entered my mind the moment I realized I am pregnant. But faith saved me from doing so. I always believe that everything in this world is planned by HIM. It’s God’s grace to allow us to experience things we could have been better without. So believing that God will never leave me empty, I went through the pregnancy while I kept my head down as people made a feast out of my life. Boy, it was never a cloud nine experience. I could almost recall how many “disgusting” smiles I had with people, worst, from some of my relatives. If parents could create a model of a life that their children should never patronize, it would be mine. If there is a boarder that separates the good and the bad, I am on the latter.

My life had been a constant episode of trying-to-prove-I-am-worthy. It was hard to follow the life of a typical teenager after you’ve been tagged with immorality. But now, all I can do is smile when thinking the days I questioned God why I had to go through hell. I realized that my life could have never been this good if I never have to cross that path. Possibly, I am still one of the teenagers who party all night, the one who can drop dead anytime because no one will ever care. The kids and the experience gave me perspective in life.

So back to the RH bill, I believe that God gave us purposes in this life. The approval of this bill will let us meddle with His will. How many times a woman did tried contraceptive pills because she thinks it is not still the best time to conceive? How can one recognize that it is exactly the perfect time? When did human ever have the ability to see what the future holds? No matter how steady your life would be, no matter how you enjoy a high-paying job, you could never decide when the best time to get pregnant is. No one ever comes ready for it. It’s an experience that needs learning. It is something that comes to anyone, almost unexpectedly. It is a blessing indeed.

RH Bill will never make us enjoy sex. Since when did we appreciate what’s normal? You wake up each day without going through the ecstatic moment of “aha! The sun is shining”. The sun will continue to shine each day; there is nothing amazing about it. So if we can have sex with anyone without getting pregnant, it will become a norm. It will become a boringly tedious norm. Its meaning will be lost. So for some who thinks that we could enjoy sex better if there’s the RH bill? Go on and make me laugh more. The RH bill will make us no better than the nomads who indulge into something without thinking about the consequence.

RH Bill is never pro-poor. It’s a way for officials to cover the dents they made in the government. It’s a system who let a pot calls the kettle black. If we really want to become progressive, why not change our morals? Are we that powerful to stop the future because we can handle the present on our own hands? Don’t we need the children of tomorrow to help us with our present? If children and poor had always been the priority of government then why are they not welcome in our society now?

RH Bill is an issue of morality and this is an issue that involves the women specially. If RH bill will be approved we will lost our decency. We could anticipate a future were families are broken, were whores cohabit with your husband because sex will then be free. We could look forward to a place where baby boomers are plenty and babies who brighten our day are nothing but rare species. Will we be progressive by that time? Maybe yes. But will we be happy?

I am a proud mom, I am Pro-Life.

Some simply dont give a damn

Mayo Uno

Without labor nothing prospers. ~Sophocles

My Heart

As you see the heart image on top, you might think that I'll be blogging about relationships. Well, I am not.

Last week, April 20 to be exact, I was admitted to the hospital because of PVC. At first, I was clueless because the name sounds more of a pipe for me. But in medicine it means Premature Ventricular Contraction.

I went to my Pulmonary Specialist because of chest pain. Because I am a constant sufferer of asthma, I thought its just a usual asthma attack. The doctor wants me to be admitted to the hospital because of Bronchial Asthma but then again, he asked me to undergo an ECG to see the status of my heart.

Then,

I found myself crying with my baby boy. I brought him along because we are going to go to his doctor afterwards, he's suffering from constant sneezing and I thought he might have some allergies too.

I dont want to be admitted to the Intensive Cure Unit (the doctor suggested this) because the thought of it makes me think I am going to die. I was assisted for 2D Echo. For about an hour, I endured the discomfort of lying on that bed as they look for problems in my heart. I just assured myself of this "Think Happy Thoughts, God Is In Charge". I stayed in the hospital for 4 days. The doctor allowed me to stay outside the ICU after the 2D echo showed that it will be alright. Although at my room, I got a Cardiac Monitor. It was a painful experience, I got pinned 7 times for blood testing, allergy tests, and so forth.

If there is something I learned from this experience, that would be to take care of my body and to always trust God. And of course, to "think happy thoughts."

:)

This Lent

"Look at His adorable face.
Look at His glazed and sunken eyes.
Look at His wounds.
Look Jesus in the Face.
There, you will see how He loves us."

~ St. Therese of Lisieux

On Friendship

Yesterday, we rummage through her things to find something worthy for keeping. Last night, we ate our heart out which probably is our last meal together. Now, I’ve watched as her family went onboard to a place million miles away from me.

I never knew how it hurts to say goodbye to a friend, but your hug made it bearable.

It seems only yesterday when we planned how we wish our kids to grow up. We wished them to become someone like what we have. But then suddenly, we have to say goodbye to those wishes and longings. How I wish I could still see your kids grow up. I wish we could have our daily chats still. I hate talking about pains but I cannot help it this time because I dearly and selfishly miss you a lot.

I’m going to miss how I start my week and end it with our long conversations. I am amazed how we managed to sit for a couple of hours and more just talking about the same thing each and every day. We manage to deal with each other’s attitudes and even went far from not hating one another through the years. Honestly, I could not recall a single day when we hated each other. I am going to miss our FB secrets. The way we share notes in order to keep the best for our kids. I love how unselfish you have become to me. I love how we constantly talk about beauty stuffs and when we get bore, we talk about our kids, our own marriages, and our friendship.

I hate that you told me just yesterday about your plan of leaving. I thought you are going to tell me months before the date. But then again, I understand how you feel. I understand how you hate to see us cry. I understand how this parting hurts you too.

I don’t know if ever we will see each other again but this tears, this pain, this everything…will surely lead our paths to cross again. I love you Tess and I love your family. Take care because I’m going to hate you if you don’t…

Your friend,

Twinks

a reminder

There will always be mountains to climb and seas to cross. There will always be dreams to dream and stars to reach. You can't always look back, nor can you always look ahead. You will miss so much along the way if you do that. It's not how fast you travel, it's not who gets there first. It's the memories you will make, it's the love you will forever keep with you. Live the life you have right in that moment where you are. ;-)

self-love

Help me to realize that it is ok to think about myself, to fight for myself, and to hate others for myself.

Self-denial is as important as self-love. Like with any other, proper balance is important. We need to love others and to love ourself completely. We should know where to draw the line because a step nearer to self-love is a danger to self-denial, and vice versa. Why do we need to deny ourself? In order to love others.

But what if you are stuck into believing that its ok for others to hold you down because after all, you love them. What if in order to stop chaos, you agree to disagree. You keep your mouth shut and even go to the point of never standing up for yourself. How long can you take it?

My Kindergarten girl...

Congratulations from mommy and lil boy!

Project Vanity- Day F*cking 1

Ok, I got some of the term from Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love.

My self-esteem has taken a dive lately. So I need a little pushing in order to be at the right track, no slash that, its supposed to be on the right mood. Here's what I intend to do, call them My Beauty Goals:

1. Lose weight (its always on the top of my

freakin list)

Banana in the morning

Cup of rice for lunch

1/2 cup of rice for dinner

apple/banana for snack

2. Fix my hair - I'l probably have it next week, before my daughter's recognition day.

I want Cameron's style of hair, but in different color. Geez, I've been playing with my hairstyle lately.

3.Massage - Ok, this is something that I never fail to do. Its a must for me to get this a couple of times each month. By Saturday, I'll have one again.

4. Facial treatments- I've been too lazy lately to apply creams on my face. :(

Just Be Your Very Best

We were asked to memorize this poem back during our elementary years at St. Agnes Academy. Somehow, its meaning live through me...

Be The Best Of Whatever You Are

If you can't be a pine on the top of a hill

Be a scrub in the valley, but be the best little scrub on the side of the hill

Be a bush if you can't be a tree,

If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass

And some highway happier make.

If you can't be a muskie, then just be a bass,

But the liveliest bass in the lake.

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,

There's something for all of us here.

There's big work to do and there's lesser work, too,

And the thing we must do is the near

If you can't be a highway, then just be a trail.

If you can't be the sun, be a star.

It isn't by size that you win or you fail.

Be the best of whatever you are.

Douglas Maloch

I am excited about something but I cannot spill the beans yet....

8 freaking school requirements!

office works

pay philhealth's contribution

kid's pre-registration

attending to Trife's medicines

going with Tifa's choir practices

all of these for 2 days. ok, can I faint now?

The Past Can Still Haunt You

The past, no matter how we try to bury the hatchet can still show itself on our present. There are memories you could not forget. Lesson you learned the hard way that keep on popping underneath your nose. And hurtful relationships that haunt you even during these days when you thought you have moved on.

Why am I saying this? Because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that "we're finally separated", I realized that I could not honestly detach myself from him. I hate myself now for writing this blog but realizations should be faced.

I realized that I will never have the chance to talk to him and sort out the problems. Our relationship never ended the right way. One moment its eternal bliss...and POP! It is gone. I wish we could have said our goodbyes because things will be easier that way.

Don't get me wrong, I am no longer looking forward to reconciliation. But the feeling that something never ended but disappeared could haunt me badly. It is like looking for your missing ring without knowing if its completely lost or just somewhere hidden inside the house. You continuously search for it and even waited hard enough before it shows up. But will it ever show up? Can you move on when you have an unfinished business from your past?

This could have been a good day for me if I wasn't too emotional. I was talking with my mentor awhile ago when tears finally poured on my face. To worsen the situation, we are in the middle of a damn crowd! I didn't know what happened or why I even started crying. But one thing is for sure, I have to fight hard not to be tempted with my past again.

Yes, I'll catch a grenade for you.

What I Learned About Japan's Tragic

Friday last week, I am with my family to buy a replacement for a broken CPU, when I heard the news that we were asked to secure ourselves for the supposed tsunami that could happen here as an aftereffect of Japan's tragic incident. So we headed back home not knowing if its the best thing to do. For your information, we are living about 2km away from the shore.

A nervous-freak as I am, I try to convince my mother to evacuate. To no avail, she just assured me that we're fine here based on the advisory she would patiently listen to from her trusted phone's radio feature. So what I did was to grab a palm leaf from last year's Palm Sunday, light a candle from the Candelaria celebration last February, and prayed. I then packed some of my kids stuffs including their milk and nappies and waited for the clock to turn 7pm.

Anyway, we're ok.

But the moment I turned on the tube, pictures of Japan's tragedy hit me. Lives lost here and there. Families looking for their members. The massive destruction. Wrecked homes. Muddy streets.

And now,

There's the threat of radiation.



But from these events, I learned the following:

1. That in times of darkness, you will always find a hand who will hold you securely. God never abandons anyone. He will always send His angels to watch over us.


2. That while people in Japan fought for their lives, Libyans are killing theirs.



3. In the end, you will still go back to the place you call "home".


4. That Japanese are disciplined.



5. Miracles do happen.

on diet

Im on diet. I know I've been in this road too many times before and I always find myself failing.

I'm doing the morning banana diet although I also eat just banana and milk in the evening.

On Being Thrifty

About 2 years ago, a friend would usually admire me for being such a "thrifty" folk. I usually keep track of my finances and keep most of it for my savings. But just lately, I realized that most of my money is spent on things I really don't need. Like, I find a good BB cream review and before you know it, I am itching to go to the mall to grab one, etc. Worse, after I've withdrawn an amount, the next day I find myself having the urge to withdraw again because I've spent everything already. I don't understand where these "urges" came from.

So now, I promise not to go out every afternoon to prevent unnecessary spending. Also, I won't be carrying my wallet any longer :P I just need a purse to bring the amount I need. I'll start working on my finances again so wish me luck!

On Setting Priorities

Working at home means a continuous test of discipline. I need to juggle the life of a mom, a writer, a student, a daughter, and a HUMAN. Just thinking about the tasks greeting me as soon as I wake up in the morning could actually be enough to crack my head in halves. But boy do I hate this? Of course not.

Being a person who can't decide whether she's born under the year of a Tiger or an Ox, I am hell proud to say that I am used to hard and backbreaking works. You can try and make me hate the fact that I got a mountain of dishes to wash or a pile of articles to make, but you'll fail. You see, I love testing my strengths. Weird, I know.

So what's bothering me right now to the point that I have to deactivate my FB account?

Well, you see, I often get distracted with loads of things. Call it a short attention span or anything you like but this is one of my main worries in life. Setting priorities is where I mess up big time. So I constantly embrace different "organizers" to make me go through the right road. Here are some of what I am thankful of:

1. A Planner- This year, I got a blue one. It was given to my mom as a gift but since she thinks she doesn't need one, she handed it down to be with glee. Well, I was happy to have it because it could save me a few hundreds from getting a new one. Interestingly, I put the planner under my bed so I could write my plans for the next day before hitting the sack.

2. MS Excel- Do you know I have the habit of continuously computing my finances? Well I think I really need to do such thing or else, I'll be damn broke for 365 days a year!

3. Task Manager Website- I'm keeping one right now to keep up with my daily freelance works.

4. My Cellphone- I am no texter. In fact, friends usually complain that I do not answer their texts. :P Anyway, if you find me scribbling something on my cellphone then it must be probably the tasks I need to keep track on. I use my cellphone as an alarm clock, an accessible organizer, a secret keeper, and a lot more.

after the birthday

i have a new hair color, copper blonde.

a Timex watch from mother, money from my father, necklace and earrings from friends from Tifa's school, and chocolates from HS friends. :)

was able to do the whole pursuit to HAPPINESS, LOVE, and PEACE. had lunch with my family and the mommies, went to church to attend a mass and reflect during afternoon and bar hopping with HS friends in the evening.

Birthday

I'm turning 25 on Wednesday (can't believe I actually wrote that!)

I want to focus on three important things in life: HAPPINESS, LOVE, and PEACE. I'll make sure to catch these things on my day.

For PEACE, I'll be at peace with myself. Perhaps do a massage, meditation, visit the church, help, and give.

For LOVE, I'll hold a party with my family and friends. I'll cook for them. I want pink and silver balloons. :P

For HAPPINESS, I'll forget troubles and be with friends in HS. Just a booze night as we reminisce the good old past. We'll drink, sip, and throw-- well, losing control is sometimes a part of chasing happiness.

_0_0_0_0_

1. Get a new

color

I've been wanting to have this for the longest time but because my hair is always treated to keep it straight, I find it too damaging to even put another chemical on it. But tomorrow, I'm taking the move.

2. A new dress.

No, not like that. I just wanted something good to we

ar for the booze night.

3. A new watch.

It was not a love at first sight but I am falling in love with a Stamp Watch . Hope mom will buy me one as a present :P

shoutbox!

Ok, I admit I'm afraid to add Shoutbox to this blog because previous blog was deleted because SOMEBODY mess it up. But I think that "somebody" is happy somewhere to even read this blog. So here, I have one!

Being Organize

I want to start the year by organizing my stuffs. I need loads of things inside my room. But I'll be prioritizing these:

A new bed.

A cabinet for bags.